I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
