we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
