We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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