Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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