there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
