So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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