So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
