I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
