four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
