You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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