I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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