Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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