living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
