Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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