I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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