how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
