Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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