It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
