i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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