All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
