I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
