Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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