Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
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he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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