You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
