awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
