cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
