pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
