I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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