I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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