Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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