you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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