How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
