Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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