someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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