Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
