i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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