Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
