I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
