**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
