so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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