My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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