they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
