I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
