whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
