didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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