was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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