my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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