had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
