If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
