Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
