there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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