Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
