Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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