At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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