You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
