bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
