Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
