Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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