Little spoons don't ask big questions
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
