Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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