That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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