i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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